i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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