Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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