i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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