Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
