Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
