woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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