Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
