Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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