last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
