I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
