My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
