Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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