Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
