We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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