I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
