And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
