they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
