He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
