I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
