Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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