Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
