Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Im part way to drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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