i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
