just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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