Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
