those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
