i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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