didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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