I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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