my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
