Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
