woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
