I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize