I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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