you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
