So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
