my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
