i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
