Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
