to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
