If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize