she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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