I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
