If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
