I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
