She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
