I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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