So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
