Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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