I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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