I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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