This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
