they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Alive.
So much puke
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
