Kiss
Puke
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
