I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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