yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
