Cold hands, warm shart.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
