I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
