k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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