You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
