I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
