he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
40s are totally the cure
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize