Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
