my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
