I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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