There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
