She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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