This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
